The World According to
Rush Limbaugh and Hillary Clinton
(Continued. . .)
Gangs --
Hillary: Children for whom the school system will continue to fail until
we decide to become recommitted to funding of education.
Rush: Groups of punks who still don't know what "family values"
mean, even after taxpayers spend billions on inner city schools.
Greed --
Hillary: The cause of everything presently wrong in America.
Rush: The cause of everything presently wrong in Washington.
Hieroglyphics --
Hillary: A difficult to decipher system of communication used by ancient
Egyptians.
Rush: The system of communication utilized by the tax codes.
High School Graduates --
Hillary: Students qualified for college / service loans.
Rush: Young punks who can whistle all the Top 40 tunes but can't read
their own diplomas.
Human Rights --
Hillary: The rights which caring people grant all living beings.
Rush: The rights which liberals grant spotted owls on an equal basis with
starving lumberjacks.
Insensitivity --
Hillary: An antisocial disease common to conservative radio talk show
hosts.
Rush: An antisocialistic affliction common to people targeted for tax
audits.
I.R.S. --
Hillary: An institution which collects the contributions of loyal
Americans.
Rush: A secret government agency created to redistribute your wealth to
people you will never meet, and to projects you would never understand.
Liberal --
Hillary: Open-minded, clear-headed, far sighted.
Rush: A near-sighted person prescribing rose-colored glasses.
Lifestyle --
Hillary: That style and grace one exhibits while living one's life.
Rush: That degree of affluence which, after taxes, can only be
temporarily sustained.
Loot --
Hillary: Anything which has been taken from someone, generally unfairly.
Rush: Store merchandise stolen by force to supplement government checks.
Military --
Hillary: An inefficient and wasteful system of defense against
aggression.
Rush: The first and often only place liberals go in order to cut
"waste."
Millionaire --
Hillary: Someone who has not yet paid his fair share.
Rush: Someone who is quietly investing overseas.
Motherhood --
Hillary: An institution which needs government help now.
Rush: A conspiracy against N.O.W.
Multi-culturalism --
Hillary: An educational process which can help all of our children to
understand and respect one another.
Rush: A paradox of cooking wherein each ingredient of the melting pot
refuses to mix.
National Health Care --
Hillary: A brilliant plan which I created -- and Republicans killed -- to
provide fair and equal medical coverage to all Americans, regardless of income.
Rush: A plan to make healthy people pay for everyone who smokes too much,
drinks too much, and watches Wheel of Fortune while pigging out on potato chips
and pork rinds.
Politically correct --
Hillary: Kind, compassionate, and helpful.
Rush: Hypersensitive, asinine, and in debt.
Politics --
Hillary: A failed method of governing which I intend to streamline.
Rush: A shell game played by blind people.
Republican --
Hillary: A stumbling block which can be turned into a stepping stone.
Rush: A person generally considered narrow-minded, bigoted, insensitive.
. .and happy.
Rookie --
Hillary: A newly hired cop.
Rush: An inexperienced Congressperson, not yet on the take.
Sale --
Hillary: Something I correctly taught Chelsea to attend.
Rush: A democratic event where merchandise is marked up and then marked
down in order to create the politically-correct illusion of getting something
for nothing.
Senator --
Hillary: A servant of the people.
Rush: A pathological liar whose sociopathic tendency toward wasting other
people's money is augmented by a narcissistic Napoleon complex.
Sex --
Hillary: The one thing Bill is really good at.
Rush: The one thing Bill is really good at.
Special Prosecutor --
Hillary: An independent investigator of the ethical misconduct of members
of the Bush and Reagan administrations.
Rush: A mortal given God-like powers, unlimited access to taxpayer funds,
and an expense account of Biblical proportions - all to try and implicate
Republicans of crimes against the Great Society.
Student Loan --
Hillary: Help for disadvantaged high school graduates provided by way of
the Democrats' continued commitment to education.
Rush: College party money provided by the government until the recipient
can at last "graduate" to extended unemployment benefits.
Welfare --
Hillary: My next project.
Rush: The buying of poor bastards' votes with money other people have
earned.
J. Lowe is an accomplished fiction writer and political
commentator. His latest adventure novel, Fame Island, is
available from Blackstoneaudio.com
Books about Hillary Clinton
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